Friday, October 12, 2007

You Named Your Baby....WHAT?

OK, so nobody needs Crabmommy to wax long about stupid baby names. Everyone's nattered on about this abundantly of late, including NPR and the NYTimes, who reported on babies called 4Real and the @ sign and so forth.

But just a few cents. Maybe not two cents. Just one cent, then.

In briefly perusing a piece about Jerry Seinfeld's wife making healthy tot snacks or some drivel (like she doesn't have a chef! [and if she doesn't she's an IDIOT]), I noticed something that had passed me by:

The Seinfelds have a child named Shepherd. No, not a dog, a child.

There's also been some chitchattery about how weird African names can be, and I'm sure you've all heard by now about how black Zimbabweans, for example, take names like Smile and Godknows. But as someone born and raised in South Africa, these names somewhat sound normal. I had a nanny as a kid and her name was Princess. When we moved, Princess was replaced by Baby. My grandparents had a dude who mowed the lawn called Attention. Someone had a childhood friend called Paraffin. The real joke, though, is on us whites who with all of our skewered education and riches, couldn't quite manage to say any African names, necessitating this "white" name nonsense.

Anyhoo. I'm sure Brad and Angelina will put us all straight by naming their next kid Harare or Nxobololo, but in the meantime, I'm just glad Jessica Seinfeld is making sure that Shepherd eats his veggies! What a good boy Shepherd!

Here, Shepherd.
Down, Shepherd.

Honestly. Just. Too. Ridiculous.

Sorry to plug again, but in order to keep my job, I plug the Cookiemag bloglet: this week's post is Can Everybody Please Stop Swimming? Part 2. (Again, a "bugger off with your infant swimming lessons" piece from Crabmommy.)

For an extra-big laugh: Suburban Turmoil is having a Worst Baby Name Ever contest and boy are there some kickers out there. Manhattyn is my absolute favorite worst name ever. I mean, the Y" in the last syllable—TOO. MUCH. It gives me joy.

33 comments:

a of a&a said...

There was a whole Seinfeld episode on terrible baby names. A and I were rolling with laughter at the list of truly awful names until, you guessed it...

Our child's carefully, lovingly chosen name was on the list.

Never watched Seinfeld again.

Inky Ink Inc. said...

I had a friend named Shepherd as a kid. We called him Shep, or alternatively, Schlep. His brother's name was Daniel. I thought Shep was kind of a cool name since I didn't know anybody else named Shep and I've know several Daniels. But that was back in the '70s, maan.

Amy said...

I was thinking the same thing as ink up there, I think that's where they get the nickname Shep. Which, is actually cute. Sheperd, not so much.

apples on a stick said...

my MIL and I were just talking about African names and giggleing. It isn't so bad when people choose real actual words to use for names. It is when they start inventng names, strining letters together and calling them names. That just gets me every time.

Crabmommy said...

I guess I never thought about Shep, which come to think of it doesn't sound so completely off. It sounds like a character in a Salinger story, or something. Still "Shepherd" sounds like a dog to me. A of a&a, I think it's quite unusual to say one has the last laugh on Jerry Seinfeld but since I know your kids' names (which I'm not about to reveal for all to consider), I can say that you do have the last laugh. Because your kids have unusual but classy names, whereas Shepherd is just, well I'm sorry, it's silly. I guess the real point though is that Jerry is the pot calling the kettle here, having a funny episode about names but then...he has his own little Sheppie.

I heart JS and think Seinfeld was brilliant. But I feel sorry for Shepherd. Also I think his sibs have normal names. Luckily he'll likely be at school with Gwyneth Paltrow's Moses and then the two of them can form a sort of Biblical alliance.

Here's a new name via a friend: a neighbor's kid: Dijonaise. After the mustard-mayo.

Inky Ink Inc. said...

Dijonaise?!?! Now THAT is a truly ridiculous name. If one is going to go that route, why not Kraft Individually Wrapped Single Slices while we're at it?? Rolls off the tongue rather nicely, just like the real thing!!

LizB said...

My brother graduated with twins named Lemonjello (leh-MON-jeh-low) and Orangello (Oh-RON-jeh-low. Weirdest names ever.

Anonymous said...

When I moved to Utah a few months ago, a Mormon friend told me about this gem: http://wesclark.com/ubn/

Enjoy!

-Char

Amanda said...

lizb, seriously? Orangello?
Char that site is too too much! My favorite girls' name on there: Apathy

Anonymous said...

Glad you enjoyed it, Crabmommy. Be sure to check out the "cream of the crop" section, everyone!

-Char

LizB said...

Seriously, Lemonjello and Orangello.

As a teacher though, I'd love to have a Shepherd in my class, even though it would remind me of a dog or sheep. It would be so nice to have plain, easy to pronounce names, or kids who aren't mortally wounded when you have no clue how to pronounce their names.

Leann I Am said...

If Jason Lee can name his kid 'Pilot Inspektor'...I guess anything goes!

I like unique names, but not so unique to make someone STARE when you're calling your kid in the grocery store!

dawn said...

The latest one that had my jaw dropping was "Gilligan". Yes, as in Gilligan's Island. For a girl. In the immortal words of my father, "Give the kid a chance!"

Brandi said...

AMEN! I kinda agree that I like Shep, but let's talk about "Apple" as a name??? What do you call her, "ap"? Not quite so cute!!

Too funny!

Brandi
www.homehopeandfuture.blogspot.com

Brandi said...

Ok, one more thing. Now that people are using dog names. . .My mom once ran into a lady who had named her dog, "dammit". So she would say, "stop that, Dammit".

What if that were a child's name? hmmmm. . .kinda makes me laugh to think about shouting that as your child destroys the grocery store!

Brandi

Deanna said...

Too funny! I only tortured my daughter with an odd spelling of a common name. She loves it now,though. In school it was always pronounced wrong, but so was mine. Thanks for the post! Have a great day!

Matter Of Fact Mommy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Matter Of Fact Mommy said...

oh man. are you kidding me?! i watched mrs. seinfeld the other day on the today show with her f-ing NUTRITIONIST. who has $ for a nutritionist?! let alone, the TIME for one?! is she so jaded that she thinks that we have the time OR A CHEF OF OUR OWN to put pureed f-ing sweet potatoes into our chlild's HOMEMADE PANCACKES?! unbe-f-ing-lievable.

Melinda Zook said...

I love to hear about weird baby names. Nowadays you almost get crucified if you name them something basic like, John or Jen. I think Shepherd is okay, but if you named your kid Rover...you might as well just have them walk around with a bone in their mouth. Speaking of nutrition...

MommyKnows said...

Weird names don't bug me as much as weird spellings. Why, why, why? What is the point?

I'd be pissed if my mother had called me Kim with a y ... Kym. You know so I could spend my life spelling it out for people. Never finding my name on the little license plates for your bike.

Sheesh people ...

Jege (Jen) said...

You all MUST visit this site:
http://www.notwithoutmyhandbag.com/babynames/

The BEST collection of effed-up names EV-AR. Crabmom, I can't believe I havent sent this to you before; it is soooo something you will totally dig.

Daisy said...

Worse than the funky names (Shepherd? Try Apple on for size) are the "creative" misspellings. Jakeb? Jaksyn? Give me a break, parental units.

Crabmommy said...

Gilligan. Now we're talking! And brandi, indeed, Rover's one healthy pup. :)
Daisy and MK, I'm on the same page s you: the weirdo names are one thing, but the weirdo spellings are somehow worse. Soon we will all of us know our own personal Soosyn, Cathroinne, or Jaksyn (actually, i know of a Jaxon...and he's not the child of Mr. Spock)!

jege, I just laughed so much I wept in reading that website. It is utterly priceless. The best part is the author's comments next to the name suggestions. See this page, for example, everyone and prepare to laugh until it hurts:

http://www.notwithoutmyhandbag.com/babynames/1.html

Crabmommy said...

ok, so the link wouldn't post. it's called Bad Baby Names Part 1: (brought to you by the letter "Y")

Momish said...

Remember Dweezle and Moon Unit? I think I could actually live with Shep. I just heard something the other day about Bruce Willis's kid, Scout (female). I guess being rich and famous grants them some sort of leeway in the end.

I went to school with two brothers names Paradox and Jackrabbit. Even still, those names beat Orangello and Lemonjello. That is just downright creul!

I will have to check out the contest and that other link, I could use a good laugh or two today.

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Internet123 said...

Who knows what people are thinking when they name their babies? But whatever they choose, I think they should seriously consider securing their kid's name on the Web.

I did - and I'm glad! I used these guys who specialize in that - it was cheap and easy:
Baby Domain Names

In a way, this kinda makes one think they should choose a more out of the ordinary name. I guess the thing to think about is avoiding something that can too easily be the brunt of excessive teasing. But if someone wants to tease, they can usually twist up just about anything!

For exampple, I work with a guy whose last name is Vestal. He got ribbed pretty bad growing up (if its not obvious - think '-stical'). Just glad his parents didn't name him Richard.